Love Island weekly round up: Hello Arrabella

Goodbye Sherif, hello Arabella.

The rumours have been put to rest and it turns out Sherif wasn’t wanking in the shower, but instead he’ been kicking Molly-Mae… in the vagina? Oh, and calling it a ‘cunt punt’. Well at least we know he’s not been spreading his kids around in the bathroom, I suppose.

But as Anna roams around the Villa relooking for her 9ft guy, in comes Jordan, another sixth former from Manchester, ready to be picked up and taken home from the school disco early.

She loves a toy boy doesn’t she!

Who’s rooting for Amber and Michael?

They are literally my favourite couple now so

To Amber, SorryIsaidyouwereafteraprettylittlethingdealyeahobviouslyilikeyounowsosorryinit.

Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about former porn star Maura. Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when she’s dishing out sex eyes to everyone and their great uncles, sisters, cousin’s dad. I am more than happy that Tommy chose Molly Mae, can you imagine how many times we’d have to watch them beat and hear Maura run around telling everyone exactly what Tommy’s dick looks like.

TOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Firstly, it was a dick comment and you are a sheep. Secondly, don’t blame it on the boys! She heard you loud and clear don’t make up the boys said, “do you think she’s all mouth?” My god. You can’t even make this up.

Fair play to her for calling off the night in the hideaway, and shame on you because you probably would have received some mad head but you let your mouth get in the way, aw.

This week, Maura’s also preying on her next victim, Danny. But no chance because in comes Victoria Secret Model supermodel Arabella who has made quite the impression in the villa. Anton, the girls 6ft plus, sit down mate. She’s taken a liking to Danny and has made it crystal clear she’s not here to play games. Danny’s heads done a 680-degree spin and it’s all ‘Yewande who?’

I do need to comment on the lack of game Yewande has though. It’s true what Danny said, ’if you’re not ready to be loved, why come on Love Island?’

What’s that noise? *iPhone alarm tone* it’s ‘Show Danny Affection’ time, Yewande’s least favourite time of the day, and to get it over with, she sat on the man’s chest while he’s in conversation with another girl.

Chief just called, he said ‘this ain’t it.’  

I’m cringgggggginnnnnng.

Joe has left the building. Praise the Lord! No idea why Lucie’s upset, he’s just saved himself from a harassment case. If you haven’t seen the news, Joe is currently being held in a safehouse to prepare him for his return to the real world as accusations have been made against his abusive behaviour towards Lucie in the villa.

Tommy’s been fingering Molly-Mae under the covers but this year there’s no DBS (Do Bits Society for those who aren’t loyal Love Island watchers.) They’re the only members if there was one anyway, these lot are acting like they’re married but they’re all still celibate.

The only thing on Love Island that hasn’t been dry this week is Amy’s face as she hasn’t stopped fucking crying. Your man rated your kiss a 7, don’t put yourself down about it though, you didn’t spend £20,000 on veneers and botox for nothing.Dry your face and go and have a go at Lucie because she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.

Tune in next week where Monica will be rounding up Love Island week 4.

Written by Lucy